I failed

I always knew this moment would one day arrive, it was all too good to be true. Now don’t get it twisted I have failed before, but just never when it mattered the most, that’s why this moment is a little difficult to comprehend.
Now am not upset or anything, am also not happy or proud about what happened. I just feel some type of way about everything it’s like am floating between denial and acceptance of the failure. They say a men’s character is tested when he is down and out, so I guess I have to see how I will hold up to this.
The funny thing is that somewhere last year I actually wanted to leave school to pursue my other interests and now that I failed it created an opportunity for that to happen. The only problem now is that am not so sure whether I want to now. I hate how that opportunity came about. In a way it feels like I made a deal with devil, you know there is always a price or a catch and now am paying for it.
Am holding up fine on my own, but my dad is the one that really has my heart itching, I can hear the disappointment in his voice when he speaks and the hurt in his eyes when I look at him. That is what is killing me about this failure, I can only imagine what my mom would feel like when she finds out, I love my parents that much❤️️.
But hey life goes and the show must go on, the most important lesson that I will take from this failure is that….
I should really be careful what I wish for, cause like this I might just get it.

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